Missing
by junakabisque
Summary: I could see Zack's face. His smile. The way his eyebrows knitted together whenever he looked at me worriedly. I could see him kneeling on one knee before me, a tiny red box in his hand. I could see a happiness on his facial feature after I said 'yes' to his proposal.


**Title:** Missing

 **Chapter:** 1/1

 **Author:** Jun a.k.a. Bisque

 **Rating:** PG13

 **Genre:** AU, Angst

 **Pairing(s):** Zack Fair/Cloud Strife, Aerith Gainsborough/Tifa Lockhart

 **Disclaimer:** I own my imagination.

 **Summary:** _I could see Zack's face. His smile. The way his eyebrows knitted together whenever he looked at me worriedly. I could see him kneeling on one knee before me, a tiny red box in his hand. I could see a happiness on his facial feature after I said 'yes' to his proposal._

 **Author's Note:** Inspired by Evanescence's song with the same title, 'Missing'. My very first Zakkura fic, please be nice. I'm honestly not quite satisfied with how it turns out. But perhaps, if you read this while listening to the song, you'll get the feels...somewhat. Forgive me orz *slaps self*

* * *

My bare feet barely make any sound as I strut along the dimly lit narrow hall that connects our shared bedroom with the living room. I glance at the clock hanging on the painted wall.

 _21:15_

Zack isn't home yet, but I've prepared dinner for him. Which I'm pretty sure he wouldn't eat. He always prefers eating take-outs to my own cooking. No wonder. I'm a very bad cook. Even after ten years being in a relationship with him.

Ten years…Such a long time. Though I can still remember clearly, the day when he confessed his love to me. It feels like it happened yesterday. Spooky how time flies so quickly. A lot could happen in those ten years. I've heard stories from people. About how they struggled to make their relationships last. It's not easy. Heck, Zack and I have also experienced it ourselves.

We've had good times, yes. Bad times, as well. I won't lie that we've fought greatly several times. It was such a wonder how we could still make up every time. However, in every fight, something's lost. Bit by bit of our faith towards one another. They're gone, slipping through our fingers ever so smoothly. Leaving the bitterness behind in our cores. The bitterness that eats you from the inside.

Tonight is the night, though. I've made my decision. A decision, which has been haunting my mind for the past few years. Believe me, I could handle physical or verbal abuse and pretend as if nothing happened afterwards. However, the love of my life chose the cruellest way to murder my soul slowly but surely. He took the path of ignorance to be used against me. He knows me that well. He knows my weakness.

A gasp escapes my mouth. I'm surprised I didn't even realise I've been holding my breath. I look down at my trembling hand, at the sheet of paper I'm holding. A letter, for my beloved. I doubt he'll read it, though. Bending down, I put the letter on the coffee table before me, nonetheless.

Adjusting the strap of my bag on my left shoulder, I take a quick glance around my surroundings. I won't miss this place, Zack. I'm so sorry.

A moment later, I approach the front door and step out of the flat that I've called 'home' for all these years. My tears threaten to fall, but I bite my lower lip to prevent them from escaping my eyes.

 _You're strong, Cloud._

As I take another step forward, I swear to Gaia I want to rip my heart out from inside my chest, crush it until it stops beating…only to come to a realisation that it _has_ already stopped beating ever since Zack stopped acknowledging me.

* * *

Tifa said, I've changed. If I did, I didn't notice. I'm still that pathetic man who walked out of his other half's life on his own, only to keep tracking whether he's been looking for me or not, whether he's missed me or not.

 _"_ _It's just…you sound so bitter now, Cloud,"_ she once said to me.

Do I? If it's about being bitter, it's always been here. In my very being. My love has long gone. Even at times, I just can't feel anything. Not even sorrow. My smiles have also long faded away from my face, never daring to come out ever again. I know it breaks Tifa's heart, seeing me like this. After all, she's my dearest childhood friend. Perhaps, one and only.

"Cloud…"

Speak of the devil.

"Cloud, it's your ninth already," Tifa says in a low voice, nodding at the stack of empty bottles of beer on the counter that separates me from her.

"Oh…you counted." The tone I used is thick with sarcasm. Not that I intended it to, but…it's nothing new that I've grown accustomed to being sarcastic ever since…

Tifa snatches the bottle from my hand when I'm just about to sip the sinful liquid down my throat again.

"Listen to me, Cloud…" Ah, here comes another lecture from my dear childhood friend, "I know we've been through this many times, but…"

I only prop my head with one of my hands as I half-heartedly listen to her. It'll go into one ear and come out of the other, anyway.

"…Don't you want to come back, Cloud? Come back home…to Zack?" She asks carefully.

I can't help but snort upon hearing her questions. She's right, though. We've been through this discussion many times already. It makes me wonder just when she'll give up.

"You knew my answer, Tifa." Was my only reply, without lifting my face up. Who knows what would happen had I dared looking her in the eyes as I said that.

"It can still be fixed, Cloud. You just…gotta try. You'll never know if you don't try, right?" She reasons.

"It can't. You know it."

"But, Cloud—"

"I said, it can't be fixed! If he cared enough, he would've sought for me, Tifa. But he never did. Even someone fool could know what that means!"

Blame my alcohol-induced brain. I know I shouldn't have lashed out my anger on her. However, what's done is done. I avert my gaze away from her. I can't see how hurt she looks now. Usually, Tifa would stomp her foot and leave me alone, annoyed at my reaction. This time, it's different. She leaves her post from behind the counter, only to saunter over towards me and the next thing I know, she's already embracing me. Her action catches me off guard. I still, as she pats the back of my head.

"I just want you to be happy, Cloud. You, of all people, deserve it the most."

The word 'happy' has long been erased from my dictionary. I don't know what it means…or how it feels anymore. I keep quiet, uncertain what to respond. Although, her next words are what break me.

"…Zack still loves you, Cloud. Don't you want to believe it?"

A blatant lie. Such a lie that I cannot tolerate…and as much as I despise it, deep down…I still have a little hope that it's true. That what Tifa said is true.

The Zack I knew, the man I love…he no longer exists. Replaced by a stranger who was barely aware I was even there with him…for him. If there was still a chance—as slim though as it might be—I would do anything for him to return to his old self. The Zack who was so caring, kind, and loving. Nevertheless, who am I kidding?

 _Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone…_

Gently, I release myself from Tifa's embrace. She steps backward as I rise from the stool I've been sitting on.

"It's over, Tifa. Already has…since long ago."

"I could help—"

"No, you can't." This time, I look directly at her, she looks saddened, "I'm broken. No one can fix me. No one but _him_. But you know what?"

My voice wavers, as a result of me holding back my tears, "No matter how broken I am, how much my wounded heart has bled, he won't care."

"You don't know, Cloud…"

"Oh yes, I do. I really do, Tifa. After all, to me…he's still my other half. The bond I shared with him, you won't understand. It's deeper than the one you had with Aerith."

Tifa gasps. I've really gone overboard this time. My conscience tells me I shouldn't have mentioned Tifa's deceased girlfriend, but for Ifrit's sake,…I could care less. She rests her hand on top of her clad chest, seemingly too affected by my words. Her eyes are as wide as saucers.

"Now if you'll excuse me…"

Ignoring what she says to me as I exit 7th Heaven, I descend the wooden steps and leave. Although her words are still replaying in my head, uttered painfully, _"Don't go…"_

* * *

If I could turn back time, even just for a few minutes, I would.

I read it somewhere before, that dying is quicker than falling asleep. When I was younger, when I've learnt what passing away means, I've always prayed I'd die in peace. Perhaps in my sleep, like what happened to my mother. She had been really sick, and one night…she just closed her eyes forever, never waking up again.

I've also heard from people, that your most important memories would come to you as flashbacks when you're about to die, when you're on the verge of your last breath.

I could see Zack's face. His smile. The way his eyebrows knitted together whenever he looked at me worriedly. I could see him kneeling on one knee before me, a tiny red box in his hand. I could see a happiness on his facial feature after I said 'yes' to his proposal.

 _It hurts, Zack. Dying hurts…_

My senses are leaving me. Are pedestrians gathered around me? Are they whispering something about me? My blood is pooling beneath me, feeling warm yet cold at the same time.

 _Make it stop, Zack. Ease my pain away…_

Who's that running towards me? Who's that calling out my name? I'm feeling drowsy…can I just sleep? Is it okay to close my eyes now? Will I dream of you and wake up with you by my side this time, Zack?

It's dark…

 _Good night, Zack. I love you. Always._

* * *

"Don't go…" The black-haired woman said, almost in a whisper.

However, Cloud ignored her and proceeded to leave the bar instead. She wanted to chase after him. In fact, she was about to, but her telephone suddenly rang loudly. Torn between answering the phone or not and just follow her blond friend, Tifa ended up picking up the device.

"Strife Delivery Service, Tifa's speaking."

 _"_ _It's Rude,"_ said the voice on the other line.

"Rude, how nice of you to call. But I'm afraid I'm in a hurr—"

 _"_ _I've got news about Zack."_

Her grip on the receiver tightened, "Okay, I'm listening."

Time seemed to stop the moment she heard the news from Rude. A single tear rolled down the black-haired woman's cheek as the device slipped from her hand, hanging on its cable, barely an inch above the floor. She covered his mouth with her palm, trying not to burst into sobs.

Cloud…She needed to find Cloud.

In a dash, Tifa left her bar, hoping her blond friend wasn't gone too far. All the way towards the main road, she tried not to think of what Rude had told her over the phone.

 _Reno and I…We've been keeping an eye on Zack Fair, as you requested. But today, we found him dead in his flat. He hung himself. We also found Cloud's last letter for him within his grip. We…I'm so sorry to break this news to you, Tifa._

She arrived at the main road. She saw people gathered around on the middle of it. Almost in an instant, she felt her heart skip a beat.

 _No, it can't be…_

Someone moved away, revealing Tifa's biggest fear. There, in the middle of the road, lay Cloud, covered in his own blood. Near the crowd, a truck was carelessly parked. The driver knelt beside the blonde's dead body; fear was visible within his tired gaze.

"Cloud…!"

She was too late, though. Dropping onto her knees, the black-haired woman cried her heart out, as she held her childhood friend's lifeless body tightly. 

_Please, please forgive me,_

 _But I won't be home again._

 _Maybe someday you'll look up,_

 _And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:_

 _"_ _Isn't something missing?"_

 _You won't cry for my absence, I know._

 _You forgot me long ago._

 _Am I that unimportant...?_

 _Am I so insignificant...?_

 _Isn't something missing?_

 _Isn't someone missing me?_

 _Even though I'm the sacrifice,_

 _You won't try for me, not now._

 _Though I'd die to know you love me,_

 _I'm all alone._

 _Isn't someone missing me?_

 _Please, please forgive me,_

 _But I won't be home again._

 _I know what you do to yourself,_

 _I breathe deep and cry out,_

 _"_ _Isn't something missing?_

 _Isn't someone missing me?"_

 _And if I bleed, I'll bleed,_

 _Knowing you don't care._

 _And if I sleep just to dream of you_

 _I'll wake without you there,_

 _Isn't something missing?_

 _Isn't something..._

 _Even though I'm the sacrifice,_

 _You won't try for me, not now._

 _Though I'd die to know you love me,_

 _I'm all alone._

 _Isn't something missing?_

 _Isn't someone missing me?_

 **-The End-**


End file.
